Disciplining a Child With SEND: 10 Things Every Parent Should Know 

Special needs children’s parents are keen to ensure that their children exhibit proper manners in their social relationships, and correction is among the ways used to assist them. One more thing that should be pointed out is that discipline is not a punishment, but a form of guidance that helps parents to show their concern.

Discipline is not punishment. It is an instrument that needs to be applied to encourage desirable actions and discourage undesirable ones. It should be used as a way of promoting the development of the child in all the different domains of progress. Every child is unique and unique in their actions as they develop, but there are several techniques for disciplining a special needs child.

1. Learn to think “can’t” before “won’t”.

Our kids have more time required to learn everything. They may not acquire things in the natural manner of observation from other people. It has to be explained to them. They have difficulty to assess themselves and correct themselves; they must be instructed. Thus, when you are under pressure, you should remember this, that it is being done for the long term. And it may take ages for your child to grasp this particular concept.

2. Reward positive behaviours and punish negative behaviours (wherever possible).

Cause and effect is one of the first things that child is taught in their early years of development. If he understands that you respond (perhaps to scold or physically restrain him) when he exhibits improper behaviour, he will persist in the poor conduct to receive negative attention. Instead, it is better to explain to him that positive behaviours will lead to the desired attention and praise. ‍

3. If possible, find out the reason for the behaviours and try to solve it.

It can be very frustrating to not be able to adequately communicate to meet wants and needs. Instead of that, you should first think about what the problem is and try to help him as much as possible to speak with you. Next, affirm his feelings and provide your direction. For instance, “You are angry that Johnny is taking your toys, but it is not correct to hit him, hands are for hitting.

4. If you are stuck, provide options.

When you order your child to do something, he has no choice but to do it but you can decide to let him choose how he wants to do the task. If it is time to clean up and put on pyjamas, he can decide where the trains can sleep for the night, whether he jumps like a bunny or crawls like a bear through the hall and which pyjamas he wants to wear to bed. This is a good approach to regaining some control while not surrendering to the child.

5. List and describe all their abilities.

You may require expert advice for this, but your child requires a comprehensive functional evaluation. For instance, it would be unfair for me to scold him for making a mess when feeding himself. His motor planning and OT skills are such that he still cannot eat without making some mess. If the skill is beyond your child’s skill set, you teach the skill not scold him/her for not performing the skill.

6. Skills must be at par with one another and all must understand this.

Sometimes you and your spouse can have some disagreement when it comes to some of the skills that your child needs to learn. However, to avoid confusion, both of you have to be clear about what he is going to be accountable for. Any behaviourist worth his salt will tell you, that you must be consistent. This goes for your school team too. The IEP team has to decide what the child has in terms of skills. Remember, they may not be able to use some of these skills in any setting, so that must be stated. If your child has some skill deficits, well then you should have a plan so that they develop in all domains. Of course, our ultimate goal is desirable behaviours in every context!

7. Establish clear ground rules.

One of the greatest challenges that some children with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) disorders face is learning and memorizing the appropriate types of behaviour. Because the child may be so preoccupied with signals from his or her nervous system, he or she may not even note the disturbance that the child is creating. When parents give clear information and or directives as to what they expect from the child, it has the effect of reducing the confusion and inner storm that the child is likely to be experiencing. Proper directions are crucial in the enhancement of linear information processing in the child; this type of instruction enables the parent who is the most important teacher of the child to do so effectively.

8. Communicate positively.

The practice of not paying attention to unpleasant conduct and lavishing positive attention on appropriate conduct is one of the mildest and surest forms of modifying conduct. Through positive reinforcement at the time when the child meets the behavioural requirements, the parents guarantee the child a stable environment. The praise or the reward should be given immediately or at the earliest opportunity after the particular behaviour has been observed even if it is a star on the wall chart. If the child needs to be ordered to stop a particular behaviour, this instruction should be framed positively. For instance, if the child is poking his brother, the parent may tell him, ‘Put your hand down at your side.’ A child who is throwing things can be told to throw soft stuffed toys that are allowed to be thrown.

9. Offer choices wherever possible.

Sometimes when a child is opposing in some way and there is something that they have to do for example go to bed, the parent can use this technique to ease the situation. If this child becomes resistant they may calm down if allowed to choose what kind of pyjamas they want to wear and which toy will be allowed to sleep with them. This strategy returns some control to the child while the parent can remain firm on the matter at hand which is discipline.

All of the above practices are useful, but knowing the cause of the problem and what happens in the brain of a child with different difficulties is important in solving the issue. When the specifics of a child’s difficulties are determined, an individual approach can be applied to help the child succeed to the best of his or her abilities.

10. Consistency, consistency, consistency.

Many children who have special needs also find it challenging to learn and grasp new things as compared to normal children. Remember… once you give an order, it must be enforced even if it requires your assistance to do so. Another factor that needs to be taken into consideration is that all the people who are involved in the child’s upbringing should have similar expectations towards the child so that discipline has the desired impact on the behaviour.